Double A Dads

hello! it’s been a hot minute since I wrote anything on here. i’m pretty sure the last time I wrote on here was just before our matching panel and here we are, nearly a month later. wow, time went SO quick this time. so let me tell you in brief what happened since …

on the 29th October 2025, we had our matching panel to get approval and officially become dads. we had worked really hard up to that point on having everything sorted and in line with what we were told and we’re still very proud of it all. we started this whole process in January this year, and since then we’ve done loads of training, paperwork, research, reading, volunteered with an LGBTQ+ adoption support group, and so much more. we had linked with our son in mid September so getting to go to panel within 5 weeks was a blur. but we wanted it to be that way really. much better than waiting around we thought. it’s something so huge in both our lives, that we would’ve been over thinking it over and over so this was the best outcome we felt.

we woke up on the 29th and started our day as normal. one of us actually went out to work for a team meeting and all so that shows how we kept going as normal as possible. at 11am, we had our panel online from home so by 10:50am we had logged on and started waiting. the wait felt like a lifetime. as soon as we saw the 12 faces appear on screen, we knew what was coming next … the never-ending introductions. every person introduces themselves and says a little thing about what they do in relation to adoption, and that could take up quite a lot of time considering the amount of people on there. and so, after 15 minutes of saying “hello, thank you!” it was time for the reality check.

opposite to our approval panel, this time we had questions asked by panel members. if I remember correctly, it was 5 questions, and only one of them was addressed to us, the rest were towards the social workers who worked on our case. I personally felt that all the questions were really joined to one another, which looking back on, makes a lot of sense that it was that way. we had quite the unusual set up leading up to matching panel so that was questioned mostly, whether it was a good idea, what were the benefits and why it was that way. after all questions were asked and answered, we had the yes we had been eagerly waiting for. there was not a dry eye on the panel and the panel chair advised us that we’d need to wait for the agency decision maker to approve our match yet a step further but in her words “if they don’t approve this match, they’ll find us knocking at their door”. we were so moved to see how appreciated all our hard work had been and how emotional everyone was with us. such a special moment that is imprinted with us for the rest of our lives.

cut to the chase, we were expecting the agency decision maker so stamp the decision a week later, but after a few days we got an email saying “it’s all done!” and we chilled out a bit more. we actually went away for one night as a rushed “baby moon”. we’ve been so lucky to have such an incredible support system that has helped us get everything ready in the house for the little one to join us so we had a little bit of time for ourselves which was absolutely wonderful. realistically, that was the last chance we could get away just us two for the foreseeable, so we took it and ran with it.

coming back from our one night get away, we went straight into formal introductions. this is when you start meeting the child and forming bonds and relationships. in traditional format, this takes around 2 weeks by starting out meeting the child in their current placement, to taking them out for a few hours to introducing them to your home. as mentioned above, our process was quite different, so we had 6 days of introductions, which were all based in our house. we were lucky enough to have built a relationship with little one (H) beforehand so this was agreed upon by all social workers working the case. we picked H up with his foster carer on day one and came straight home to introduce him to it, and his face seeing his new bedroom is something so precious to all of us. we still watch the video of his reaction and end up in tears.

over the following 6 days, we’d pick H up everyday and bring him home. we’d spend hours playing and allowing him to get used to our house and to us in general. we also have a cat, Brynn, who we love so much. currently, Brynn and H just about get along fine and their interactions are increasing. any tips of how to get a cat used to a brand new human in their house, please let me know!

we spent hours and hours getting H used to his new surroundings, and on the 6th day of introductions, we had the “introductions review” meeting. throughout the prior 6 days, we called our social worker every night and the foster carers spoke to the family finder for H every night as well. we’d both give our reports and on the 6th day review everything from all parties. this meeting is held to check everything has gone to plan and we’d be moving forward with the official move. our move in date was the following day, so we were quite anxious in case anything had changed. we obviously had built that relationship and without even realising, in our heads H was already living here although he hadn’t slept the night over once yet. but the meeting went ahead smoothly, and everyone was happy for H to come and officially move in with us the following day. we celebrated as a family of 3 knowing that the next day would be the start of something so wonderful for all of us.

that day, we dropped H back off to the foster carers earlier than usual. this was so they could have their last dinner party with him. just the thought of that was heart breaking to me. although everyone involved knew that this was the best path for H, we know how loved he is by his foster family. it felt like ripping him out of a love bubble that he knew so well so we had to keep reminding ourselves that this was for the best for H. we feel very strongly that we don’t want to cut his foster family out of our lives. they have raised H at the start of his life and made him who he is today and it means the absolute world to us to know how good he’s had it so far.

after we dropped him off, it meant that we had our last night as just a couple at home alone. everyone said to us to go for a nice meal and just enjoy ourselves one final time. but for us, it did not feel that way. for us, it felt like we had a new kind of enjoyment arriving and in no way was the fun stopping. it felt like it’s only just starting. so we went against the crowd and ordered our favourite takeaway and tucked in at home watching re-runs of Brit comedies and ended the night with a cup of tea and tons of biscuits and snacks. that’s a celebration “Double A Dads” style.

the next morning, we drove over to pick H up to come with us forever. now, this was the one thing I did not feel prepared for in this process. as mentioned above, we’re so lucky that H had such an incredible start, it made it that much more difficult to leave. H’s foster family was playing with him, and he was just his normal self. every time we picked him up before, there was no tears or any signs of rejection. and this was pretty much the same. apart from the fact that babies can pick up on feelings. I, myself, am a very emotional person so seeing all his foster family in their feelings hurt me too. I was trying my best to not look anyone in the eye because I knew I’d be crying my heart out. and I feel like everyone in that room was doing the same thing. we didn’t want H to see us crying as this in reality, was the start of something so incredible for him. a future with a forever family. but as mentioned above, H picked up on our feeling and he too had a little cry. it was heart wrenching and a feeling I don’t think I’ll forget easily, but my husband reassured me and was there for me. in hindsight, I shouldn’t have hid my emotions from H. in the moment, I was trying to keep him safe from seeing someone else get upset, but thinking about it now, after 2 weeks of being his “papa”, I should have let him seen me process my emotions. I don’t want him to grow up hiding how he feels for the benefit of others, and within 2 weeks, I know that for certain. but we all learn.

I was planning to write about the first 2 weeks of him living with us at home and how it’s been, but now it’s nearly 11:30pm and I have a busy 2 year old to wake up to tomorrow, so I think that will have to wait a little longer. it’s crazy how much there is to document about this journey, but I know these will create beautiful memories and hopefully will also help someone out there going through the process or thinking about it.

I’ll try and write back here ASAP! but a little teaser of how it’s going … it’s been the most fulfilling 2 weeks filled with so many highs and some terrible 2’s moments but I wouldn’t change it for the world. tonight, as I put H to sleep, he turned to me and said “I love you, papa” and that has made my heart the most full it’s ever been.

See you next time!

-Double A Dads